Who’s in your web?
October 25, 2011 | 
Author Last week I separately spent time with 3 women, each I have known for over 20 years. Not only do we socialize at dinner or ballet, discussing mid-life issues, these are friends that I also discuss my business with and they talk about theirs with me.
We’re no longer employees of anyone. We each own our own business and we’re all at various stages of growth. We use each other as a sounding board, seeking advice and counsel. We only know what we know and when something doesn’t work – we wonder why. So we need others who can help us step back and assess and add new perspective or knowledge. Lots of ways of describing them – they are part of my personal advisory board, my board of directors, my web, my core support group.
All relationships matter
As women we naturally develop these types of trusting and supportive relationships. But do we go beyond and also develop the broader more strategic network of mentors and associates? I know I need to do more of this.
They serve a broader purpose – a more pragmatic and transactional way to learn something or get something done. And of course, it needs to be mutually beneficial. It’s easier to reach out to others when you have something to offer – whether it’s your skills or at least being in some type of position to return the favor, even if it’s not immediate.
Be authentic
Having an integrated and diverse network of people is smart and a practical way to balance and complement your talents and weaknesses. Be sure to pursue these valuable relationships with integrity.
Always understand what you would like out of it and what you have to offer in return. It may even be broad like entrée into their network or introduction to another person who may be able to help.
Then be trustworthy and transparent up front about your intentions. Tell them what you are interested in or need help with. This lets the person make a choice to help you or not.
Do you connect?
Take a few minutes and assess how well you use your current relationships and network.
- Do you normally try to work out everything yourself?
- Do you have mostly close friends who think like you?
- Do you consciously take time to build out your network?
- Have you used your network to achieve something?
- How often do you collaborate with someone outside your immediate team?
- Have you thought through the types of support you need?
- When was the last time you added people to your network?
This should give you a general idea of your professional network and how you capitalize on it – or not. Now let’s look at your specific network.
Action: Size up your network web.
1. Draw 3 concentric circles.
2. In the inner ring place all your friends and personal support. These are people you can count on. Your cheerleaders. They believe in you. They’re your personal public relations team.
3. In the middle circle, add career mentors or advisors, people who provide you with valuable advice or have complementary skills to yours. These may be friends as well.
4. In the outer circle, list people you associate with who add to your credibility and your personal brand as an expert or specialist just being associated with them.
5. Now take a look –
- How big is each circle?
- Is it balanced between internal and external people?
- How diverse is it – age, gender, skills, industry?
- Does it include old and new relationships?
- How were the relationships developed?
If it feels right to you, congratulations! For most of us, I’m going to venture a guess that it’s not as balanced as it could be, especially the outer circle.
Stay tuned for the next blog on how to build out a strategic network that’s just right for you.
Midlife Job Hunting Resources
I just returned from an amazing and relaxing vacation in the NW peninsula of the US. I found it to be absolutely the most beautiful and spiritual area of our country. Old growth forests with 800 year old cedars and deep clear glacier lakes made me feel very connected to the earth. Whatever problems I was carrying around suddenly were very insignificant.
Our last night was in Seattle where I picked up the Seattle Times newspaper and got right back into thinking about midlife career coaching. They have a NWJobs blog where I found lots of resources to help older workers find jobs. I must admit I did bristle at finding 50-somethings being called “pre-seniors”. Really??? At 61 and still working strong, I certainly don’t consider myself anywhere near pre-senior.
The article mentioned that about 17 percent of the current work force is 65 or older. Not surprising, in these economic times, people are delaying retirement or at least changing their ideas of retirement. Maybe it’s reinvention to a completely different career or a part time position in an interesting area to keep the brain stimulated and earn at the same time.
There was sound advice on networking being the most effective way for seniors and pre-seniors to find work. You’ve spent a lifetime building your network, it’s time to get out and leverage it. Other strategies include – attend workshops, volunteer in the public or private sector, and talk with people who work in the job you are pursuing to learn more.
It’s also smart to freshen up your resumes and cover letters to convey “activity, energy and achievement” and avoid the word “experience” in resumes and interviews. Cover letters should highlight technical credentials, recent training and certifications to show willingness to improve.
Older help wanted
Here are some online resources for mid-lifers and retirees looking for part-time or full-time work, many of which target anyone 50 or over:
AARP Work offers a section focusing on jobs and job training, “Job Tips for 50+ Workers,” and a job search engine for older workers.
Encore provides news, resources and connections for individuals and organizations establishing “encore careers” designed to combine social contribution, personal meaning and financial security. Many of the jobs posted are in education, health care and human services.
Retired Brains is a resource for older boomers, seniors, retirees and those about to retire who are looking to find jobs, volunteer opportunities, educational resources and retirement information. There’s a section on starting or purchasing your own business.
Retirement Jobs has tens of thousands of listings nationwide from companies specifically seeking candidates older than 50. A combination job board, adviser and coach for boomers and seniors looking for work. Retirement Jobs also partners with AARP.
Retirement Jobs Online offers advice about online retirement jobs, helping retirees evaluate the various ways to use the Internet to find work.
Retire and Consult was created to help those nearing or in retirement to put their knowledge and experience back to work. You can get consulting tips, post a resume or search their job bank.
Senior Helpers has offices in more than 200 U.S. cities and hires many older workers to provide in-home personal and companion care for seniors. Caregivers’ services include help with housework, meal preparation, errands, transportation, medication reminders and Alzheimer’s care. The pay is $8-$12 per hour; most work an average of about 20 hours per week. CNBC sees the Healthcare field growing and a good fit for many older workers.
Senior Job Bank is a site where job seekers age 50 and older can search for jobs by category, industry or location, post resumes and register for a job-search agent.
Action: Focus on an area where you have a passion for your possible new career. Explore different fields. This is a time to truly enjoy your work. Be creative. Keep a positive attitude, seek new opportunities and remain flexible. If you would like coaching, take a look the services on my website Your Next Chapter NOW!
Posted in Career Reinvention, Job Search, Networking | 
Tags: career change, career transition, job search, midlife, networking, possibilities | 
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Fire yourself!
In midlife you don’t mind a little flattery. They say it will get you anywhere – and in my case it did…but to the wrong place. I got a call from a friend to take over a project for someone who was leaving. I wasn’t sure I was qualified but I agreed to go ahead with the interview. Everyone thought I’d be fine for the job. Everyone except for me. Usually I’m pretty confident about stretching and taking on new types of work. So I said OK. Why not? Everyone else felt it would work out. But it never felt quite right.
My confidence wavered every step of the way. I tried to hide it but my gut knew better. I was totally stressed. I started getting headaches and tummy aches and a sinking feeling that I was way over my head. It started affecting my other projects and work. This went on for over 2 months – way too long. A big strategy meeting was being planned around my consulting advice. I pictured myself 3 weeks ahead leading this meeting. I finally came to the realization that I did not have the knowledge or resources to pull this off without killing my reputation – and as important, my client’s reputation if I failed. And I knew I would. This was my breaking point. It was time to step up and fire myself.
Low and behold, the other parties were coming to the same conclusion and weren’t sure how to approach me. After I gave my carefully crafted reasons for dropping the engagement, my boss said “Congratulations for reaching that conclusion. It couldn’t have been easy.” She had been trying to figure out how to tell me the project had shifted and I didn’t have the right expertise and knowledge to continue with it. All sides were relieved. And I realized it was my lack of skills - not me personally.
Here’s what I learned -
1. If you want to stretch and try something outside of your comfort zone, be sure to set proper expectations up front – even if it’s only to yourself. It’s difficult to reset in midstream.
2. Listen to your gut – literally. It will tell you when something is off and not the right fit. And when its time to say “No”.
3. You’ll earn greater respect knowing when to back off rather than pig-headedly sticking to something you don’t have the knowledge to make a success. Suggest other resources who could be better. Waiting too long will damage your reputation and that of others involved.
4. Know yourself. Know your strengths. You’ll always have more success from leveraging your strengths. Don’t allow others to flatter or talk you – with all good intentions - into something that’s not the right fit for your skills, values, needs.
5. And if you do end up in one of these situations, step back, don’t take it personally and figure out what you’ve learned from it so you don’t repeat it.
Action: Are you in a similar situation? Try to visualize the outcome. Can you make it a success? If not, don’t just jump ship. Talk to the project leaders. Suggest a different role for yourself if possible. Try to suggest other people who have better knowledge to fill your role.
Posted in Career Management, Personal Development | Tags: career management, strengths, stress | No Comments »
Who did your essence come from?
Happy Birthday, Mom! Today is my mom’s 82nd birthday. For some reason this morning, I started thinking about what I’ve learned from her way of being. Of course there were lots of things that she told me to do or not do, even still in midlife. But that’s not what I was thinking about today. I was thinking more of her essence. Who is she when she walks into a room? What does she give off of herself when she’s just there?
She’s nice. That sounds a bit simple but she really is nice to everyone. She talks to everyone. As kids, we used to roll our eyes or walk away because she was so chatty with the world. She’ll start up a conversation with anyone, especially when walking her Springer Spaniel, Molly – the 5th daughter in our family – or as Molly believes, the 1st daughter, moving me aside. Or when standing in line no matter where she is. But now I think – why not? We’re all bored in line and why not make a friendly comment. And especially to the service people who are at the cash register all day. Have a little empathy. And you never know who you’ll meet. It’s her way of networking.
She keeps moving forward. At times, a little Pollyannish but mostly just a very positive outlook pushing her through. It certainly keeps her going forward through my dad’s illnesses and anything else not-so-great happening in her world. She’s not blind to reality but she has to be the most optimistic person I know. It’s been proven that your attitude has a lot to do with how much happiness is in your life and even how long you’ll live. The way she’s going, my mom will live forever.
She is very creative. If you walked into their house you’d see the most amazing needlepoint pillows and needlepoint framed on the wall. She wouldn’t call herself an artist but I do. She truly is extremely creative and an expert fiber artist. She used to teach needlepoint – but not the basics. She taught how to use silk and metallic threads to create texture using a variety of stitches. She can just picture which ones to use to create a look that’s just right. She’s a specialist.
This just captures a little of my mom. I always wanted to be more like her. I know some of these traits rubbed off on me – just from being around her. And I certainly came to appreciate them as I got older. Although my creative outlets are different – I garden and cook while she hates weeding and is what my dad calls an indifferent cook – I have learned to be more outgoing and find myself talking to more people I don’t know. I’ve especially taken to telling someone when they do a good job. And I appreciate that my optimism comes directly from her.
It felt good to focus on my mom a little more than usual today. It also made me think of my own essence and how I portray myself to others.
Action: Think of your own mom or someone of influence in your life. What of you came from them? And then let them know.
Although my sisters keep trying, my mom is still not quite on the internet but one of my sisters is visiting for the week so I’m hoping she’ll show her this. Happy Birthday Mom, and thank you for making me who I am!
Posted in Creativity, Personal Branding, Simple Pleasures | Tags: essence, midlife, networking | No Comments »
Midsummer Midlife Dream
Hard to believe but it’s heading toward summer’s end. Have you taken your vacation yet? Can’t afford a big vacation? No problem. My favorite dream vacation costs nothing. It’s not a big, expensive trip to an exotic place.
I literally mean a vacation where you can dream. All you need is a quiet and peaceful place and time – away from everyday life for a few days or a week. For me it has to be outside enjoying nature – could be as simple as gardening
or walking along a beach. Most important of all – it’s a place where you can let your midlife dreams flow.
At midlife we need to remember our dreams or make new ones. We no longer want to or can afford to chase someone else’s dream. This is the time when we still have energy to design our own life, to change directions or at least fine tune our direction and live our own dreams – in our career and our life – the kind that accompanies authentic living.
Here’s how to plan your dream vacation:
1. Find places that you enjoy that will allow quiet time with no distractions. Leave your phone and computer and other disruptive technologies home. Try a museum or park or nature preserve or something from your summer bucket list.
2. Once there, empty out your everyday thoughts and to-do lists. Allow your mind and imagination to open up. Think big. What have you always wanted to be? Where would you be living? What would your life be like? Imagine what wild success would look like. Think about your life and career 3 – 5 years in the future and imagine that you’ve had your best years. What are they like? What would your finances and relationships look like?
3. Take the time to continue dreaming for several days, maybe in different locations. Just let your dreams flow.
4. Now, here’s the bad news. There is a problem with this dream vacation – you have to return to reality. You don’t want to lose all this wonderfulness, so you can’t stop here. You need to make them come alive and live them.
The Law of Attraction says that you will receive the type of energy you send out. So you need to lock in your dream by surrounding it with positive emotions and enthusiasm. A great way to do that is by creating a Vision Board and Vision Statement. Keep your dreams in front of you as a daily motivator.
Just focusing is not enough either, you need to start living your dream. Let’s say one of your dreams is to be an executive in your firm within 5 years. Today, you need to act as if you already achieved your dream and be that executive – in how you dress and how you act.
Action: Plan your dream vacation. Then build a plan to reach your dreams. All that positive energy will help your dream come true. By daily focus you’ll build momentum. Let your dreams come true.
Creating a vision board and vision statement are part of my CLEAR PATH process to help you clarify your career goals and make the transition to your next chapter with clarity and confidence. See more at http://www.YourNextChapterNOW.com
HOT Networking Tips for Summer Parties
It is hot outside! And as midlife women, we’re hot enough already! I know it’s summer and it’s supposed to be hot but if you live in the Northeast where I do, you’re not used to it being this hot and humid. It seems that’s all anyone talks about – which somehow makes it even hotter.
Yet summer parties still go on – no matter the temperature. So let’s give you something to talk about beside the heat. How about talking about you? Before you roll your eyes, just think about the networking opportunity you have at a summer party. Often the parties are informal and outside, so hosts tend to invite more than their closest friends. And often friends are encouraged to bring friends. So this can present an opportunity to meet people you don’t know.
Just be sure you don’t make your networking about a job search. If you’re successful, that will come later. Make it about building 
new relationships, building up your personal and professional network. Connections will lead to other connections.
So, you’re standing around with a cold tropical drink in hand and someone walks over and after a quick exchange of names, asks “What do you do?” What is your response? A former boss once told me to always be interesting. So let me rephrase- what is your interesting and maybe intriguing response? After all this is a summer party and a time to have fun.
Do some planning before you go. Think about how you want people to feel about you. What do you want them to remember about you?
1. Create a WOW introduction. Be prepared. There are lots of formulas for creating elevator pitches. I rolled them into your WOW Pitch (because that’s what you want people to say afterwards). Think: Who What Why and Wow –
- Who’s your target audience?
- What’s their problem?
- What’s your solution?
- What’s unique and different about your solution?
- What benefit do you deliver?
- Why do you do this (your passion, your Wow)?
- Wrap it up into a short one sentence tagline.
Your tagline will take a bit of thinking and may take some time to get right. You may find that after using your Wow Pitch a few times, it comes out naturally.
Make your Wow Pitch conversational. Turn your benefit statement into a question – “What if…” Let the rest flow. “Well I work with … who need to …. I deliver … I’m passionate (or excited) about…”
It is important to be able to speak with enthusiasm and confidence, so nail it, practice it! Get comfortable with it.
2. Be memorable. Prepare some interesting questions or comments – and not about the weather – to get people talking about themselves in different ways from the usual. Ask about their passions, values, hobbies. Add your ideas to it. Talk about your passions and interests too. You will naturally be enthusiastic.
3. Listen. Sincerely. Don’t be thinking of the next thing to say. Be present in the conversation. Show interest in the person speaking.
4. Remember, be authentic. If you’re not – that’s all people will remember.
Action: Create your interesting and memorable WOW Pitch. Then go enjoy your party this summer! Share your WOW in the comment section below.
Posted in Networking, Personal Branding, Simple Pleasures | Tags: midlife women, network, networking, personal branding | No Comments »
Midlife Women Rock!
Last week I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, OH and saw a terrific exhibit – Women Who Rock: Vision, Passion, Power. Most of the women are in midlife and still rocking!!
Chrissie Hynde, Pat Benatar, Patti Smith, Melissa Etheridge, Bonnie Raitt, Madonna, Tina Turner, Cyndi Lauper – all leads of
their own bands. It’s their words, their style, their music. Talk about personal branding!
What an inspiration. I was so energized after seeing their photos and hearing them sing. Many had video interviews (watch them on bio.com) and talked about what they went through to get to where they are today. Here’s what I learned about life and careers:
- Find your own voice
- Develop your own unique style
- Figure out what you want and fight to hold onto it
- Make your own space
- Be true to yourself
- But reinvent when necessary - Cyndi Lauper is now a jazz singer, who would’ve thought?
Action: Who’s your favorite female rocker? What is it about her that attracts you? What do you see of yourself in her?
And if you can – go see the exhibit in Cleveland.
Posted in Career Management, Personal Branding | Tags: accomplishments, career coaching, career management, midlife women, success | No Comments »
Free Your Career
What better time than Independence Day to think freely of recreating your career. This weekend was a time of fun and celebration for the founders of our country who stood up for what they believed in. Why not do the same for yourself? You’re in your midlife now, it’s time to have a career and a life you love.
Here are some of my favorite quotes to inspire you -
“Today you are you, that is truer that true. There is no one alive who is youer that you.” ~ Dr. Seuss
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it… boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” ~ Goethe
“How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” ~ Trina Paulus
“it takes courage to grow and turn out who you really are” ~ e e cummings
“Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.” ~ Herbert A. Otto
“Life is an ever-unfolding journey, with each new day granting us new opportunities. Don’t forget to open your eyes, your mind, and your heart, to YOUR life.” ~ Natalie Scott
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. This is the true joy in life.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” ~ Albert Schweitzer
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
Action: Be inspired! Find the career of your dreams!
Posted in Career Reinvention, Creativity | Tags: career change, life you love, midlife | No Comments »
What’s in your Summer Bucket List?
Summertime and the living is easy, fish are jumping, and the cotton is high . . . so the song goes. We all need to unplug once in a while, to stop chasing our dreams, to stop working, obsessing, stressing and just relax. What better time than in the summer?
Remember as a kid, how much you looked forward to summer? The last bell on the last day of school took forever to ring. You had all sorts of plans.
Summer is the perfect time to let go and be a child again. So put on your flip flops and build your bucket list for this year’s summer fun. Make it all about living in the now, just feeling good and being happy.
Here are 39 free or inexpensive fun ideas for your summer bucket list – your list of things to do this summer:
1. Make strawberry lemonade. Put a little umbrella in the glass.
2. Make homemade ice cream.
3. Paint your toe nails a gorgeous color.
4. Take a Sunday drive, randomly go down roads you always zip past.
5. Put on your bathing suit (don’t worry about what you look like) and run through the sprinklers.
6. Make root beer floats.
7. Go to the beach and build a sand castle. When it’s done, take a photo from a sand crab’s eye view.
8. Take a long walk along the water edge.
9. Collect seashells.
10. Decorate for the 4th of July with red, white, and blue – use pinwheels, balloons, little flags.
11. Have a traditional barbecue with hot dogs and hamburgers and macaroni salad.
12. Watch the fireworks on the 4th of July.
13. Create a summer song list for your iPod. Play it full volume and dance. The 60s and 70s still have the best .
- Surfer Girl – and everything by Beach Boys
- Under the Boardwalk – Drifters
- Summer Breeze – Seals & Crofts
- Summer of ’69 – Bryan Adams
- Summertime Blues – Eddie Cochran
- Boys of Summer – Don Henley
- Hot Fun in the Summertime – Sly and Family Stone
- Surf City – Jan & Dean
- In the Summertime – Mungo Jerry
- Wipe Out – Safaris
- Summer in the City – Loving Spoonful
14. Plant an herb garden – even if in pots on your balcony or deck.
15. Stop by the Farmer’s Market for fresh veggies.
16. Pick your own berries – strawberries, raspberries, blackberries. Make jam. Bake a pie.
17. Cook and garnish with fresh edible flowers.
18. Catch fireflies at dusk.
19. Sleep under the stars. Listen to the birds singing as you wake up.
20. Ride on a carousel or a Ferris wheel.
21. Learn yo-yo tricks. Check http://www.monkeysee.com/play/1079-how-to-yo-yo
22. Go to a baseball game especially a minor league game. Or, better yet, organize a baseball game with your friends.
23. Go on a boat ride – canoe, kayak, rowboat, paddle boat.
24. Sit in the shade under a tree and read. Give your brain a break and make it something light and fun.
25. Play miniature golf.
26. Go to an outdoor concert or theatre performance.
27. Go barefoot for an entire day.
28. Make summer cocktails with fresh fruit.
29. Make tie-dye shirts. Check http://www.howtotiedye.org/
30. Nap in a hammock.
31. Go on a picnic.
32. Fly a kite.
33. Lie on the grass watching the clouds float across the sky, without a care in the world.
34. Dance in the moonlight.
35. Lie in the grass and watch a meteorite shower. The most reliable is Perseids in August but check for others here http://www.essortment.com/next-summer-meteor-shower-61658.html
36. Come up with a list of simple delicious summer recipes to make this summer.
37. Take a nature hike.
38. Spend the day exploring a botanical garden.
39. Collect heart shaped stones.
Enjoy your summer!!
Action: What’s on your Summer Bucket List? Have fun making your list and please share in the comments.
Posted in Creativity, Simple Pleasures | Tags: gratifying, personal growth, self care | No Comments »
Set Your Intentions Daily
It’s been proven that multi-tasking will not make you more productive. Your brain turns into a sieve and you’ll will actually accomplish less and not do anything well. But how do I get everything done?
I have so many thoughts in my head and things going on in my life that I’m finding I just can’t operate the way I usually do – several things at once. Otherwise I really would have found the cheapest gas around instead of the most expensive. When I was checking out, I was already thinking ahead to the next to-do and didn’t realize the attendant gave me change for $50 not the $60 I had given him. I have lots of examples like that lately.
So how do I learn to “be in the moment” and get it together to accomplish what I need – including sleeping through the night without waking up every 2 hours building my to-do list?
First, I had to stop spinning and decide how I wanted to feel – in general about life. For me at this point, it was simply “I want to be in control and focused.”
I decided I needed to set my intention for the day, each day – and for each major project (I define “project” as anything in life that needs doing – finding a new meaningful career, building up your personal brand, work engagements, helping your parents, house projects, and on and on). I needed a clear image of the outcome I wanted to achieve. A working definition from About.com for intention is: “to have in mind a purpose or plan, to direct the mind, to aim.” Lacking intention, I know I get distracted, my mind wanders and I’m totally unproductive.
Intentions are more than just building a task list or setting goals. That’s easy. Intentions are thinking through how you want to accomplish something – how do you want to feel, how do you want to portray yourself, what’s the purpose of the project or task, what do you want to get out of it in the end, how will you know you’ve done it well. Intentions help you mold your focus.
Here’s what I have found that works best for me:
- To start, I created a project list – both work and personal – with a task list or to-do’s under each. That was a start of clearing my head. At least I knew what I had on my plate.
- Next, at night before I close down my work day, I set my intentions for the next day. I tried doing it in the morning but then an hour or so slipped by before I started into anything productive. It’s takes a bit of discipline – when all I really want is a glass of wine.
- I look over my project list and decide what is important to accomplish the next day – what chunk can I break off, how many hours will I devote to that, how will that move me toward the end project, how will I feel about completing this part. I don’t take on too much of any one because I may need to tackle a few projects in a single day.
- Write it down. Just a couple of lines. You’ll be surprised how it commits you. Now walk away. Don’t keep thinking about it. Give your mind a break.
- Next morning, look over your intentions. Are they still right? Did anything happen in the meantime to change priorities? If so, make adjustments. And start in.
- At the end of the day, review what you accomplished. How do you feel about them? What can you do different or better the next day? Now, set your intentions for tomorrow.
Setting intentions helped me take greater control of and feel better about my life – both work and personal. It became my guiding force and created a positive energy flow for the day. I’m able to remain centered and focused throughout the day.
Action: In the beginning, since this may be new to you, you might start by setting intentions for running your errands. Before you leave home, set the intention to have a pleasant experience while in route to your destination. Set another intention to have a pleasant experience while you’re shopping. You’d be amazed how helpful this can be.
Now tackle your projects. Focus on the result that you want to achieve. Give it a couple of weeks and see if you don’t have better experiences in your work, in life and with your level of productivity.